Emotional week. The peak was Saint Nicholas night when I had a dream. I was hugging my dad, he was so thin I could feel only his bones through the jeans jacket he was wearing. He told me “I’m sorry I cannot be with you now, at the beginning of your road”. I started to cry and so I woke up. All day I felt like crying. My brother got engaged on that day. I was thinking of how proud my dad would have been of his son. In the evening I took my mother to a tribute-to-Abba concert. It was very funny for me, but mom was happy. Again felt like crying imagining myself at her age :(.
And today… because I think I’ll spend the day all alone, I suddenly had the 2001 feeling. A song caused this sensation, but it didn’t stop, it was like I “engaged” myself back into the past… had a pure feeling of a similar moment of 5 years ago. (I still cannot feel 2001 as being so far away in time…5 years mean a lot…but to me they feel like 2 at most). And so I got sad, it’s a profound feeling of falling into my self, moments like this allow me a clear perspective of my own life…make me aware of feelings and moods and sensations I thought I had already forgotten. I can’t explain it…it’s like I’m taking a journey into me, into my mind and into my past..and live moments all over again. And when I wake up and realize I’ll soon be 28 and we’re not in 2001 anymore…that’s when I get sad. I feel like I lost important moments of my life because I was blinded and irrational, I feel like I could have done things better or different, I regret I never said words I should have said.
Finally, I hope next week will be just different. I felt like writing, hoping I could take the weight off my chest, that’s all.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Emotional week. The peak was Saint Nicholas night when I had a dream. I was hugging my dad, he was so thin I could feel only his bones through the jeans jacket he was wearing. He told me “I’m sorry … Continue reading