anurim

I couldn’t help feeling, all day long, that today was someone’s birthday… someone I know… I’m still thinking about it..
Do you think it’s possible that “passion” and “work” stay together? In the world of today? I started wondering what passion is these days. And I questioned myself for the meaning of passion within me: am I passionate about something? Anything? Still processing that one, so far I’ve got nothing. I used to love horoscopes and Tarot and that kinda stuff…. I’ve lost even that.
Am I passionate about my work? I don’t know. I am a little bit obsessed with it, I am dedicated, but I dunno if I am passionate. Is anyone passionate about their work these days? I mean…. really be into it, really love it? The kind that wakes up in the middle of the night because of one brilliant idea, or that forgets everything because his/her work is like a trip to another universe.. does this still exist?

Although I think I am supposed to be a little bit more technical than I am right now, due to the nature of my job, unfortunately it seems I am not as good as I thought. Because I lost like an hour trying to take a picture of myself (that is me on the left) and upload it here, so that I can put the URL to my profile. Initially I was upset because at a profile search here, my blog had no photo! After that I tried to find out how do I do it. And so… I lost a good hour:). I guess I had nothing better to do anyway.
This morning I left Mika closed in the kitchen. Poor thing, when I arrived she was “screaming” her lungs out, I guess it was terrible for her to spend almost 11 hours in one room, with no food or water.
And that happened only because of that damn “the apprentice” thing. I watch it and then I watch “Sex and the city” and then I go to bed tired and wake up dizzy and so I lock the cat in the kitchen. This TV is ruining my life!

LATER EDIT: it was easier than I thought! and I did it! Damn, I’m smaart:))).

I guess being alone makes me a little bit nostalgic. In fact, I hardly think about myself right now. I don’t know what’s goin’ on with my soul these days. I believe it’s not in a very good mood…
I am a little bit afraid of being alone. I have always been surrounded by people. I have always lived with somebody. I hate the empty house and I’m sure autumn will make it worse. But I think it was about time I face this in my life, to deal with it and get used to it. Because in the end, we get used to everything, good or bad. And so I must get used to having friends who never call, weird neighbors and an unhappy cat. In a month or two, I could even get used to the empty house.
But I’m not sure I could get used to the lack of words. I need words to stir my imagination, to be in a good mood, to shine, to blossom, to sleep well. Crazy as it sounds, I need somebody to tell me I look good in order for me to believe it. I need to be told I am loved to be well.

As long as we’ve been all waited for it, it finally happened. Yes. It did. The star of our department finally appeared on TV saying stuff about Second Life. Labeled “IT Specialist”. Well, he is, as a matter of fact, and his sayings were deep:)). This is why it is up there, listed in the top stories of our site, among accidents, hijacked planes and luxurious holidays of our fellow Romanians. Eh, that was the least I could do, SINCE I AM THE EDITOR AND THE CONTENT MANAGER OF THAT SITE!!! All in one.
No wonder I look crazy sometimes. Besides having no life at all.
Indeed, I feel I lost the meaning of everything these days. I try to cover it, to stay strong, but sometimes it shows. I’ll get used to it, I suppose.
I’m going to bed now. I’m working tomorrow. (yes, tomorrow IS Sunday)

It’s been like crazy around here these days. I left my office no later than 10 in the evening and I’ll work during the weekend. I had one day off, today. Th worst part of it all is my feelings for what I do. I feel I don’t have any..landmarks anymore, I don’t know if what I’m doing is right or wrong and nobody is telling me that. I feel people are kinda discontented by what I do and I never receive a hint that could motivate my evolution. I hate it. I hate it because I feel I’m blind. I’ll try to structure it as much as I can and develop a system of my own that could comply with work…but this would be damn difficult since I don’t know anything…about anything anymore.

But today was nice because I met my friend Corina from Luxembourg, she’ll get married there in September and I’m going! We established the last details before we go there and I’m looking forward to go on this trip. And yes, eat “mule”:)).

I couldn’t believe my eyes, but there it is! I am from here! I mean, my father comes from this village and somebody having the same last name as I do discovered these historically interesting pieces.
No matter what, I am really proud that the village where I spent ALL of my summer holidays is in Wiki. Really proud!

I’ve just found out, via Andressa, that Pink Martini are coming to Bucharest! Cannot believe it! Me Happy. And if Thievery Corporation would come in a duet with Gotan Project (I missed them because of Depeche Mode, remember?), I think I won’t need anything for my birthday this year:)).

I couldn’t have pictured this day at all. It was pouring outside, already an autumn atmosphere I hate, but I was ok. I couldn’t focus that much, I wasn’t really there, but I was ok. No tears.
He arrived safely home, I received an email in the morning. All day long, I read that email, almost memorized it, I read every word and missed him. I just miss him, that’s all. And now it’s not the worst part of it all, I guess in a month I’ll really feel he’s missing.
Now, I have to re-picture my days and I already have some plans, but they hardly include going out like we used to. Maybe I’ll be wrong, but I fill my days with work. That’s about it. But it was about time, isn’t it?

There are only three days left. How can I concentrate everything I feel in 3 days? How can I feel anything while packing and managing stuff? How can I imagine my life from now on?

I’m back. Not really happy that I am back. I’d just begun to get used to having sand in my hair, to the hot sun of the noon, to the loisir mood of that place. I am on vacation after all, I shouldn’t be here, in this dirty town.
I am here because I had to make a choice. I could have been selfish and stay, or caring and come. So I came. But … me not really happy.