Nu de alta, dar as fi fost a complete failure. Niciodata nu cred ca o sa stiu cum sa “vand” ceva. Rareori imi dau seama care sunt atuurile si calitatile de scos in fata, sunt probabil prea sincera si severa cu mine (si cu orice are legatura cu mine) incat am tendinta sa minimizez orice ar putea fi misto.
Culmea, nu mereu patesc asta la munca, de unele lucruri imi dau seama, insa cred ca e vorba mai degraba de practice decat de altceva. Insa in viata mea in general, mai ales cand e vorba de mine, nimic nu e de ‘scos in fata’. D-asta ma enervez cand mi se servesc exemple de viata, aceleasi de acum 20 de ani. Sa va dau un exemplu:
– acum 20 de ani mama imi zicea: uite verisoara-ta, a luat 10 la olimpiada, a luat premiul I, a castigat nush ce concurs. Asa trebuie sa faci si tu
– acum 10 ani, tot mama: uite var-ta, fata desteapta, bursa in America, bravo ei. Nu stiu tu de ce nu te inscrii la bursele astea
– in zilele noastre: draga, uite ce viata frumoasa: casa in NY, un copil, al doilea pe vine, serviciu serviciu, sotul, sot… bravo ei…
Eu eram.. fara argumente. Daaa… am o varsta, dar n-am plantat un pom pana acum (dar am plantat destule rosii, am plivit ceapa, am adunat prune si cartofi.. oare astea se pun?), de casa nici nu imi pun problema, iar de inotat nu prea stiu sa inot ca sa salvez un om de la inec. Sau de la orice altceva for that matter. Asa ca am inghitit galusca si am incheiat conversatia (astea moralizatoare in care ti se cere socoteala mereu sunt neplacute), insa apoi mi-am dat seama ca, daca eram mai iute de minte si mai aware de calitatile mele, ignorand complet defectele, as fi avut vreo doua replici sa dau la exemplele astea ce mi se servesc de atata vreme. Eheeei, de aveam eu stofa de vanzator, sa vezi cum mai aveau toti nitel si-mi ridicau statuie!
I did it! I broke my washing machine. Don’t ask me how. I know how but I guess I am too lazy to say it in English. It works, lucky me, but that compartment where I put the detergent is not right in it’s place. I took it out to wash it, and I couldn’t put it back.
Now, this bothered me so much that I even set my messenger status with this issue, and, of course, sooner or later my friends/colleagues started asking how did I do it, what happened, etc.
C suggested I should write a post on this matter, maybe I’ll get some online help, which he also exemplified by quoting some blog of a guy switching 2 washing machines, coz one is always broken or about to be fixed. Ok… so I did it and now I expect you guys to teach me how to fix it. Coz I ain’t calling nobody to fix it, it’s too much trouble, really.
Tomorrow is Friday. yes, I know you know this, but I just wanted to get into the weekend mood. Now, me sleepy, it’s late, night night!
Kinda of weird days, these days. I suddenly feel like I am broken inside and need time to regroup. I need time to find that inner balance that would bring me back on track. The problem is I don’t really know what track is that. I guess this might be interesting, like a surprise in a box of chocolates, but still I am not anymore at the age of looking boldly at the future and see it bright. I learned deception, delusion (much of my own cause, I agree) and I guess being cautious is only the result.
They call me “granny” at the office. Sometimes I understand why. I don’t look like one, but I surely act like one from time to time. And this only because my life at the office so much conquered my inner, personal life, that I find it hard not to involve emotionally. My balance, my outer life is almost gone now. And this is why I sometimes (like these days) feel I don’t worth much, that I lack that spark that used to made me different (in my own subtle way, of course), I am not interesting, nor witty, nor smart or anything. I just am. I walk, I talk, I do things from the impulse of my conscience. But there is no…. enthusiasm maybe. I can’t put my finger on it, but I feel something is missing, that fresh approach that makes me see things clearly and be sure of my decisions.
I never expected this to happen. I never thought that this age will bring me so many confusing days.
My computer is almost broken. I would like a laptop. I’ve dreamed of one for 6 years now. I have the money to buy one, but I am thinking it over and over: maybe I need the money for the house. Maybe I would go to Barcelona for my birthday. Maybe… it’s the weather. I’m waiting for sunnier days. Or maybe for someone to make them sunny.
I’ve been away for a few days and, because of the sad reason of my travel, I didn’t watch tv at all. When I woke up this morning to go to work I had the strange feeling that I forgot everything about my work. Of course, once I entered the office and turned on my PC, it all came back to me. It was like I was waking up from a short amnesia and start recognizing things.
Despite the sadness and the tragedy around me, I discovered a nice little town, very charming and very close to me. I liked it.