not happy

yes, it’s true, it’s no surprise anyway, considering the latest facts of my life…. and I don’t think things will improve soon. But these are things that happen and I really can’t make anything to change the situation. Maybe I’ll decide eventually to write the novel I thought of for some time now, not to make a difference in the literary world, but to tell everyone what’s in me, to tell them the whole truth, beginning with my mother and finishing with you-know-who. In fact, on a second thought, I have nothing to tell him, nothing… He knows I love him (strangest thing is that this kind of love is so….free that i’m surprised of me, of my reactions, I could be able of many things that usually contradict the normal situation, if I knew it makes it easier for him), so I don’t have anything else to confess or share with him. I mean I would have, but I can’t….

Ahhhh, and this Christmas stuff, i really hate it, every christmas all i can think of is that I got older, one more year passed and I did nothing to make me feel that it didn’t pass in vain. Hate this period….