free love

Pana la urma am reusit ieri sa plec pe la 3 si sa ajung acasa tot la 1 noaptea. M-am dat putin si cu rolele, am avut si experienta micilor pesedisti din parcul Izvor (desi n-am gustat vreunul). Am crezut ca o sa ma sufoc din cauza fumului combinat cu caldura. N-am mai avut rabdare sau caut vata pe bat, ceea ce e grav pentru mine. Iar aseara pe la 1 am auzit in surdina melodia asta si deci nu ma pot abtine sa n-o pun si pe blog. E tot o stare:).

Si apoi am ajuns cu gandul la asta:

some things are meant not to be mentioned

I can’t write about this…about the concert. The next day I felt like hit by a train. I couldn’t realize I was there. And I suprised myself shouting my lungs out when they came on stage. I think I am still marked by this … event or whatever it was. But I can’t write about it. I can’t describe it. I remember the feeling and now, when I listen to some of their songs on the radio, it all comes back to me. I would rather keep these feelings for myself, because writing about them, confessing them, exposing them to the public would only make them not… mine anymore. Nor mysterious or private. Some things are much better when they are just felt, not asserted.

I think I’ve changed a lot. Next week I’ll be on vacation. Maybe the only vacation I’ll ever have this year. I … don’t have that feeling. I am stressed, I am nervous, I am dizzy, I cannot focus. I came to hate the place I work. Not the work in itself, not the people, or not all of them…. just the place. I hope I will get outta there soon. Because that place is a brainwashing factory, that I’m sure.

And now, after a beer in the city with my friend, I got nostalgic, emotional, I remember myself few years ago, or even when I started this blog and it seems it’s not the same person anymore. I got more acid, disappointed, bored, I lack patience and concentration, I got a little mean…but I hope somwhere deep down I’ll still find, when in need, that piece of me which will never change, no matter what. oh, and yes, bitter, I almost forgot this, I sometimes get bitter. But only when alone or tired. Not now.

Strange love

Strange highs and strange lows
That’s how my love goes

I can’t miss writing about this:). I am not, not anymore, a teenager, enthousiatic and totally devoted to some gods on a poster. Nevertheless, the Depeche Mode concert of tomorrow brings out from within me some leftovers from my teenage years. Maybe because I never had the chance to go to a biiiiig concert like that 10 years ago, or maybe because such events always bring a hint of euphoria, I don’t exactly know what it is, but I am totally and completely focused on tomorrow. I imagine scenes, I picture gestures and I create expectations.. It is very likely I will be a bit disappointed, perhaps I will be disturbed by the crowd pulling me, people trying to get a better view, worries of keeping myself safe and sound..but still, the thought of me being able to see this band I like on stage….well, that’s something. In fact, this week Gotan Project had a concert here as well, I missed that one, I can’t afford going to both concerts, but hey, it’s been quite a week from this point of view.
I picked up this quote because I just feel like it tonight.