Tired

I’m tired and very low mentally, I feel like this birthday of tomorrow is the worst day of this year, it was not enough that I’ve been through so many things meant only to destabilize me… now I have to face the fact that i’m also getting older and uglier, and lonelier.. I really hate myself right now. I hate myself for being so stupid sometimes, for not dealing with things when I was supposed to, for letting myself go, for being so dryed out right now… I mean it’s not that I’m incapable to feel things, I do, but there’s always something missing. God, i’m tired! I’m gonna sleep one of these days so deep that I won’t get up until everything has gone away…..