headache day

Pretty difficult day today. I admit I’m overreacting to some things and I’m sorry for that, I don’t mean that, I think I am just being insecure about all things in my life, about me and the others and the world in general. And I also think that maybe I’m afraid of getting hurt and I’m dissecting and analyzing everything and every word has a nuance or a subtle second meaning….I am getting tired of myself. I’m getting tired of annoying everyone around by being so stubborn when I shouldn’t or so sensitive when I’m not supposed to. I should be able to understand and treat others as I would like to be treated. But I remember doing that and not receiving the treatment I expected. I guess that’s what made me bitter.
This doesn’t mean I should treat people, “innocent stand-byers”, like hell, no sir…
This is why I decided I should leave my worries and troubles and minor inner conflicts to this blog, and chat more relaxed and free of any frustration or troubles whatsoever. Because it seems I am poisoning every conversation and it degenerates, invariably, in a stupid quarrel. And the thing is that I forget all about it as soon as I get out of the office and stop chatting. It’s not the chat…it’s my obsession with words and meanings that leads to this stupid situation and I hate it.
Somehow…I’ve gotta stop.
I also realized these days that one must have a trained eye for beauty in order to see it. Not every man appreciates La Gioconda, to uneducated or less educated or not-interested-in-art people, the smile of Mona Lisa is not mysterious and the whole painting in itself is not a genius’ work, it’s just a painting of an ugly woman of whom there are rumors it could have been a man. It’s the same with people. One must know beauty in order to see it.