Back to work

I felt like writing today, which is good because I rarely feel like writing lately, don’t ask me why. I had quite a vacation, one month, I traveled, I rested, it was ok. But now I’m back to work and I feel tired again, and I think it’s the job and the routine, not the fact that I am really tired, this would be impossible after one-month holiday. And I feel like I’m little by little losing myself, and I don’t want to spend my life earning money and spending them. this is not the purpose of my life at all. I had a dream… I used to have a dream about my future. I even had a plan. It didn’t turn out as I wanted at all, but now I kinda lost it on the way and here I am, a young woman in her 20s, very close to her 30s (although I don’t feel like my age at all) not knowing where to go. I feel like I have my life in my hands, I have no obstacle that should keep me from what I want to do, but still, I do nothing because I have no idea what I want. And this is the worst thing ever because this is not a quest for myself, I am not trying out different things to see if they suit me, I only think of them and suppose they just don’t. Because I don’t feel like it.
All I know is that I don’t want to become an office girl, all dressed up, thinking only of clothes, make-up or other shallow subjects like that. I’m not saying I should be bothered only by fundamental things in life either…but still. Trouble is that here, a high salary involves this kind of office-like character. And little by little I will be losing myself and I everything I am right now. I like myself as I am now. But I had enough struggling to make it each month. However, this will not be the case for a while at least since I will be moving to my brother’s studio with no rent whatsoever:) and that’s the good news.
Other than that, I hope this writing mood is long-lasting:).