almost weekend

I’m tired now. And so it happens that everytime I am tired it’s dark outside, which only depresses me even more than the actual fatigue state does it already. This is one reason why I love summer so much. Because the night comes late and it’s an optimistic kind of night, it’s filled with people going out for a drink, it smells like holiday even though I’m working, and the evening in the city, when you can feel it live, pulsing with every step around you, that’s a wonderful feeling to me.
Tonight I almost fell asleep in the bus, although the radio was on and the music was cheerful. People were looking at me, I could feel their pity “oh, poor girl, she’s so tired”. Playing a nice scenario in my head didn’t work either. I have some scenarios that make me daydream even by night: how I would like to decorate a house of my own, what would I do if I won the lottery, stuff like that. But tonight I had no inspiration whatsoever. My head was pretty empty in that area, so I tried to focus on people in my life. I also had a gloomy week, I had to attend a funeral, one of my friend’s father died, it was so bad because it reminded me of my own father… So I’ve come to think of everybody I knew, people at work, friends, my colleagues from school, my friends from childhood…they are all in my life more or less, but what am I to them? Do they care that the winter and the dark make me feel down, are they happy right now? And when I die, will they remember me? Do I have to do things in order to be remembered? dunno really if it matters so much, in the end… We’re all gonna die, but some of us ain’t gonna die ugly.
I do many things right now but I don’t have a clear, great purpose to achieve. I just live. Somewhere on Earth, there’s me, living.
Well, I guess I don’t have a specific purpose for this post. And I’m gonna watch a movie, play with Mika (she’s ok, if you wondered) and sleep. And tomorrow…we’ll always have tomorrow, won’t we?

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