almost weekend

Posted on February 18, 2006 by Anurim

I’m tired now. And so it happens that everytime I am tired it’s dark outside, which only depresses me even more than the actual fatigue state does it already. This is one reason why I love summer so much. Because the night comes late and it’s an optimistic kind of night, it’s filled with people going out for a drink, it smells like holiday even though I’m working, and the evening in the city, when you can feel it live, pulsing with every step around you, that’s a wonderful feeling to me.
Tonight I almost fell asleep in the bus, although the radio was on and the music was cheerful. People were looking at me, I could feel their pity “oh, poor girl, she’s so tired”. Playing a nice scenario in my head didn’t work either. I have some scenarios that make me daydream even by night: how I would like to decorate a house of my own, what would I do if I won the lottery, stuff like that. But tonight I had no inspiration whatsoever. My head was pretty empty in that area, so I tried to focus on people in my life. I also had a gloomy week, I had to attend a funeral, one of my friend’s father died, it was so bad because it reminded me of my own father… So I’ve come to think of everybody I knew, people at work, friends, my colleagues from school, my friends from childhood…they are all in my life more or less, but what am I to them? Do they care that the winter and the dark make me feel down, are they happy right now? And when I die, will they remember me? Do I have to do things in order to be remembered? dunno really if it matters so much, in the end… We’re all gonna die, but some of us ain’t gonna die ugly.
I do many things right now but I don’t have a clear, great purpose to achieve. I just live. Somewhere on Earth, there’s me, living.
Well, I guess I don’t have a specific purpose for this post. And I’m gonna watch a movie, play with Mika (she’s ok, if you wondered) and sleep. And tomorrow…we’ll always have tomorrow, won’t we?

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Snowy February

Posted on February 12, 2006 by Anurim

It’s snowing. I’ve come to appreciate the snow, because when it snows, it’s not that cold. It’s 0 degrees C at most, and this is veeery good as compared to -10 degrees C the other days. I feel tranquil and serene again this morning, maybe because I had my part of sleep (that I needed, oh, so much) and now my mind is alert again, I have ideas running through my head like crazy, but they are in disorder, I have to organize them, put them on paper or so.
The only bit of a problem this morning is that I’ve come to realize that I grew very much apart from my friends, we haven’t met since last year or since the New Year’s Night, we still, talk, I mean I talk to some of them, but…thing is that I don’t feel the need of talking to them. These people at work, they are somehow fulfilling this role in my life although it’s a surrogate and I know it, soon I’ll wake up all alone, but I don’t need to speak to those girls. Maybe because they don’t feel that either..so…I guess, that’s it then, right?
Uff, I have to get dressed, my mother and Mooky are waiting for me, hopefully I’ll have some pictures of that dog pretty soon. Ciao!

P.S. – My brother is living now in the appartment of an old lady named Signora Tulia. Every Sunday, mother and I call him on the phone, but of course, every time signora Tulia is answering. You should hear my Italian accent when I say “Buongiorno, signora, sono la sorella di Pietro, potrei parlare con mio fratello per favore?”. First time even I couldn’t help myself from laughing, the accent was too obvious, maybe hilarious.

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subway

Posted on February 6, 2006 by Anurim

I’ve been traveling a lot by subway these days on my way to my English lessons, although I completely hate the subway. It’s like we’re rats, traveling underground, you can’t see anything through the window, it’s black, all you can see is the reflection of yourself and other bored people next to you. But it’s an interesting way of looking at people; in a bus, I am too preoccupied with the exterior, buildings, people passing by, the atmosphere, but here I am forced to concentrate on my fellow passengers. I noticed that mostly old people read books, some of them have tabloids I sometimes take a peak of, or crosswords. Young people play games on their phones or just stare. Some of them are not afraid to stare at you, making you feel pretty uncomfortable. I only take glances of them and try to image what they’re like, what’s their life like and what’s in their minds when staring at me or at their neighbor at ParasKasino.
And might I just say that the difference between me and a 17 year old girl is, except the 10 years between us, not just the looks, but the fact that they are not wearings hats, their coats are short baccarat spilleautomater and they must be freezing now, but they just don’t care, they have their hands red because of frost, and their ears too, whereas I have lots of clothes on and I am still afraid of being cold. See? that’s the difference…they don’t care if it’s cold…

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I need…I dream

Posted on January 26, 2006 by Anurim

It’s so cold I can hardly breathe…I know I said that before, but i really hate cold weather, especially when it’s freezing outside. I need a car. I need a driver’s license first…but only because I need a car.
I realized I have many “projects” going on this year, not all of them very easy to accomplish. First I need a car. Second, I need to renovate my country house, it’s old and a part of it is almost falling into pieces, it’s a pity to let such a house ruin. Especially since this is the only place in this world I can call “home”. And after that I want to continue my studies in a different field this time, so I’ll try to be a student again in Journalism…if it’s all possible of course. And that’s about it..for now. Of course, I have many other small and immediate plans, like changing the stupid glasses and stuff like that. And of course, getting better at work, I know it sounds a little bit silly, but I mean it, I take this very seriously and I have to get better because there are times when I feel I am missing something, maybe the know-who requested in the media world.
Besides, I know that three (!!!) of my friends are planning on getting married this year, I can’t believe it, soon I’ll be a respectable spinster :)), and I am really glad for them, sure, although I don’t really see myself in a position quite like that yet. But maybe at the end of this year I’ll be writing a blog about my plans of getting married, so, you know, everything is possible.
And that’s all for today I guess, not much of a post this time, I am in the period when I get information from all possible sources, I started watching movies again, but I am not so curious about music anymore, I hardly listen to specific music, just let the radio on and that’s that. So maybe after a while I’ll be able to dazzle the world with more Miruna-wit:)) (and please notice the lack of modesty, as well).
again this feeling of deja-vu…it’s like I’m making a pastiche of myself (dunno if pastiche is really a word in English, I’ll fix it next time).
so long, people.

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history…repeating

Posted on January 9, 2006 by Anurim

I noticed I repeat myself from time to time. There are subjects in this blog that appear over and over and you people must be saying “oh, come on girl, you’ve said that once before, what a hell, you’re not that old!” and you couldn’t be more right about that. I agree. I read myself and try to be objective and even I said that to myself. But…the explanation is that every time I feel something, it has a different nuance, a different color, and so it’s almost new to me and ready to be shared. And this is why you may encounter, if you ever take the time to read this, several subjects that appear, one way or another in my writings. They just emphasize a mood sometimes, or other times they just serve me pretexts for writing something.
But the important thing is that I write, right? Thought so too:)…
Now, for the latest news update: Mika is ok, she returned to her old habits of jumping and scratching the chairs and stuff and this is very good. My turtles get bigger every day, at least the old one, she’s huuuuuuge (I mean for a cute pet). My mother’s dog is fine, she’s not really into taking long walks but she’s coming around. My brother returned to Florence and moved to a warmer house. My mother returned to her old habits of torturing me and assigning me duties when I really don’t feel like it. And I hope my performances at work are getting a liiiittle bit better because I really can’t say I’m doing perfectly fine. Maybe in a month or so.. and that’s about it.
Ah, I saw a documentary tonight, really impressive to me, but really it’s difficult to talk about it on the blog, first because it’s still fresh in my mind and it needs a time to settle somewhere in my head, and second because it regards some serious issues I am not ready to talk about. But the point of mentioning it here was that it took me into one of that long lasting pensive moods.
So, night night you people!

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… New Year

Posted on January 4, 2006 by Anurim


Well, well, well… what do you know, we’re in 2006! Very nice of us, especially since we did nothing about it, it just happened and we just “enjoyed” it. Well, my New Year’s Eve party was…ok, could have been better if my sixth sense didn’t feel a negative vibe from my friend, and this bad feeling followed me all night, although I tried to let it go, not to think too much about it…ya know. But looking back, I kinda have the feeling I shouldn’t have let it go, coz it’s important.. Truth is I really had very few friends, female friends, they were all conjectural acquaintances and lost them one way or another. This is not the situation with all of them of course, but somehow I managed to decrease the intensity of the friendship until it eventually vanished, or only the polite side remained. I know it’s me, since it happened just the same with almost everybody. Dunno how I do it exactly, it’s different every time, but the result is the same. We become “acquaintances”. We’re not friends anymore. As a matter of fact, my lack of time gives me no chance of having friends. People are working late these days. After work they wanna go home and sleep. If not, they invest their little spare time into a pseudo-relationship that lasts just because people need to be together…somehow. So, where do friends actually show up? At birthdays, during various holidays like Christmas or New Year’s Eve, during summer holidays, something like that, hmmm? And that’s their purpose in your life? It’s a bitter conclusion I am drawing here, or maybe it’s just the mood I am in, but right now methinks that friendship is quite a little bit of a problem to me. I hate losing friends. I hate that I expect too much of them or that they disappoint me and don’t even know that…

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Peaceful

Posted on December 30, 2005 by Anurim

Mika is feeling much better today, she’s done with the antibiotic shots also, and I am surprised to see how well she behaves, I was scared she won’t stay in one place, she’ll jump and move all the time, not protecting her belly. But no, she’s ok, she hardly notices any of the toys, which is good for now, but I hope she won’t be like that all the time.
I decided to go after all to that party my friend is having. I will, most likely, get a little bored, but I really don’t want to anticipate anything right now, maybe everything will go well and I won’t have to complain:).
I am pretty sleepy and lazy these days, I think this is my idea of “rest”.. I don’t need to do anything very quickly and even if I did, I wouldn’t do it, that’s for sure. I am just like Mika. And inside I am peaceful right now, really serene and looking forward for the new year. It’s no time for looking back an summing up right now, but all I wanna say is that this year was pretty good, I worked a lot, I was even exhausted at times, I didn’t feel the months go by, but I can’t say it was bad…oh no. Thus I feel no restraints in awaiting the next year. Hope it’ll turn out better than 2005.

PS – I was reading my posts of December 2004. Turns out my writing was much better when unhappy or sad or depressed or unstable. But I would much rather be serene and peaceful and to write common blogs than unhappy and a good writer. At least right now this is the feeling. I might change my opinion soon:).

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3 days away

Posted on December 28, 2005 by Anurim


Tough day today. Not only because of Mika’s operation (poor thing, she is having a hard time recovering from that thing and only now, at 10 p.m. she is fully awake and crying because of the pain), it was difficult for her and for me as well, I tried to stay at home all day to keep an eye on her. And of course I couldn’t just stay at home. So I did the laundry, defreeze the fridge (I’m sure in the USA you don’t defreeze the fridge, am I right?), tried to keep the house less messy than the usual…stuff. But it did me good and I feel ok right now.
Big surprise, one of the friends called, but not with the purpose of saying “Happy birthday” but to ask me of my New Year’s Night plans (I had to spend it with her and some other persons)…this was even worse, coz I would have been ok if she had said “look, I’m sorry, I forgot, but anyway, happy birthday”. but she didn’t and now I really dunno what to do, go to her party or not. Thing is I have no other options for that night and I really don’t wanna spend it quietly. So maybe I’ll go, not forgetting to let her know what I feel.
Or not…
Anyway, I’m going to look for my cat now, so if you’ll excuse me….night night!

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Birthday reminder, Mika’s operation

Posted on December 27, 2005 by Anurim

Well, tomorrow is a big day for my cat, Mika, I’ll take her to the doctor’s to be sterilized (I hope this is the right word). I’ve been thinking about this a lot, I mean I am sorry for her that she has to go through something like this, but sincerely, it was the best solution for both of us, since I don’t plan on letting her have kittens and since this “heat” period is pretty awful.. It seemed that she was in pain and she really didn’t know what happened to her. I just hope she’ll be ok.
As for the life in Romania, Greg, it’s difficult for me to talk about it, because I am inside it… all I can say is that it’s really different from life in the USA, from what I’ve heard. But after all everything is relative, I’m sure, so maybe you’ll be able to tell the differences from my writing, which is damn difficult to do, since all you hear is me, me, me. My life, my problems, my thoughts.
I’m glad I have a few days off from work, just about enough to rest and put my disordered life in order, to catch up with my reading and with people I haven’t had time to see before.
I was sad that two of my best friends forgot about my birthday…and three days passed since my birthday. I figure that your friend’s birthday is not something to be forgotten, or if it does happen, there’s always the next day, the day after that…Well, no sign of them yet, so I dunno how to react right now. Perhaps it’ll all solve out sooner or later, it’s just that I didn’t expected it, not from them, that’s all.

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christmas blog

Posted on December 25, 2005 by Anurim

Now this is completely unusual for me.. to write on Christmas day, but since tomorrow I’ll be working, I am home now. And I must say that this day was pretty ok, peaceful, quiet, just like I wanted it, with my family:). Today I took the dog out for the first time, and she was shivering like hell during the first minutes and then she got used to it. I think she’ll like it after all.
Well, I just wanted to wish everyone Merry Christmas:).

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