… New Year

Well, well, well… what do you know, we’re in 2006! Very nice of us, especially since we did nothing about it, it just happened and we just “enjoyed” it. Well, my New Year’s Eve party was…ok, could have been better if my sixth sense didn’t feel a negative vibe from my friend, and this bad feeling followed me all night, although I tried to let it go, not to think too much about it…ya know. But looking back, I kinda have the feeling I shouldn’t have let it go, coz it’s important.. Truth is I really had very few friends, female friends, they were all conjectural acquaintances and lost them one way or another. This is not the situation with all of them of course, but somehow I managed to decrease the intensity of the friendship until it eventually vanished, or only the polite side remained. I know it’s me, since it happened just the same with almost everybody. Dunno how I do it exactly, it’s different every time, but the result is the same. We become “acquaintances”. We’re not friends anymore. As a matter of fact, my lack of time gives me no chance of having friends. People are working late these days. After work they wanna go home and sleep. If not, they invest their little spare time into a pseudo-relationship that lasts just because people need to be together…somehow. So, where do friends actually show up? At birthdays, during various holidays like Christmas or New Year’s Eve, during summer holidays, something like that, hmmm? And that’s their purpose in your life? It’s a bitter conclusion I am drawing here, or maybe it’s just the mood I am in, but right now methinks that friendship is quite a little bit of a problem to me. I hate losing friends. I hate that I expect too much of them or that they disappoint me and don’t even know that…