anurim

Nu pot, dear, sa te refuz, asa ca particip si eu la leapsa ta si de data asta o s-o dau mai departe pentru ca nu mai vreau sa fiu aia buna. Asta pentru ca:
1. sunt mult prea buna (toleranta, ingaduitoare, intelegatoare)
2. mi-e greu sa spun NU
3. nu-mi plac starile conflictuale. D-aia nu ma cert niciodata. Daca ma cert, tot eu ma simt vinovata. Ca sa evit asta, fac diverse compromisuri din care pana la urma nu iese nimic bun
4. sunt cam pisaloaga. Sau poate ca imi place sa cocolosesc lumea din jur. Sau poate ca sunt over-responsible. Insa rezultatul e ca sunt pisaloaga.
5. nu-mi plac gleznele mele
6. nu-mi place cum imi sta cand n-am dormit bine de cateva luni si am tone de chestii pe cap. Atunci ma uit in oglinda si ma sperii
7. uneori tind sa fiu cam fixista:)
8. nu sunt deloc egoista

As vrea sa aud de la: Robi, Miri, Ciupercutza, Andressa, Dono care sunt cele 8 chestii care nu le plac la ei.
(fac linkurile later ca acum ma duc sa beau niste starbucks. E dimineata si nu ma pot trezi fara cafea:))

Later edit: am facut linkurile. M-am plimbat prin Columbia azi. Prin ditamai campusul universitar cum eu nu am vazut ever. Cu tot shi traba: recreation hall, fraternities, surorities (d-alea cu alpha pi gamma upsilon - jur ca asa am vazut pe o cladire, upsilon:)), catamai stadionul, catamai terenul pentru softball, o biblioteca bestiala (mai ca m-as apuca de scoala in conditiile astea, acu, la batranete).
Plus americance care umbla in pantaloni scurti si slapi, in conditiile in care eu eram mega infofolita. Cam aiurea, zau. Pentru mine, ca doar eu fac nota discordanta p-aci.
Si m-am indragostit iremediabil.
De un MacBook alb si frumos. Pe care doresc sa il posed one day, impreuna cu toate componentele sale.

Incerc sa scriu in romana la cererea publicului. Da, mai, am si eu asa ceva si nu mai radeti acolo ca va aud! Boooon, hai ca prima fraza mi-a iesit:). Sa vedem restul… Scriu in engleza pentru ca atunci cand mi-am facut eu blog, voiam sa ma citeasca TOATA lumea, nu doar putinii bloggeri de Romania. Intre timp, situatia s-a cam schimbat si acum vorbim de roblogosfera, de bloggerii romani, adunati si tunati, care dezbat probleme mai mult sau mai putin importante ale vietii si omenirii si asa mai departe, de genul “ce e viata? ce e omul? si noi ce bem azi?”. Plus ca am observat, de cand cu colegu’ Costin, ca oamenii astia parca sunt intr-un sat: “Ai vazut ce-a scris ala? Moaaaaama, da ai vazut commentu’ meu? Si ce s-a mai ofticat si mi-a dat ban pe blogul lui? Si dup’aia ce-am scris eu la faza asta? Si cum m-a citat X si Y?”. Ete, cam asa decurge treaba:). Evident, exagerez nitel. Sunt si bloggeri misto, oameni seriosi, o placere sa-i citesti.
La o intalnire de bloggeri, maestrul de ceremonii declara blogurile “parte a media”. Ok… unele pot fi. Unele sunt deja. Dar majoritatea, nicidecum. Faptul ca bloggerii scriu despre o barfa, publica informatii mai mult sau mai putin adevarate, ca reactioneaza la diverse meschinarii nu-i face “surse” demne de luat in seama. Sau nu inca. Nu la noi. Doar ca incercam sa ne inscriem si noi in curentul asta in care pur si simplu parerea oamenilor, exprimata, articulata in blog, poate fi mai puternica decat un articol dintr-un ziar sau decat un reportaj tv. In lumea de azi, da, e posibil. Si la noi sunt tentative, insa nu au ajuns inca atat de puternice.
Pana una-alta, eu prefer sa scriu in engleza. Chiar ziceam azi: cum sa scriu, frate, in romana? Taman acu, dupa atata timp? Asta ar insemna un blog nou, mare bataie de cap:P. Si, recunosc, probabil ca nu m-as putea abtine sa nu scriu chestii la care lumea ar reactiona. Si, da Costin carpatin:P, ai dreptate, succesul ma sperie, dear. Prefer sa scriu un blog putin comentat, dar al meu, personal, pe care doar cineva care chiar tine musai sa ma cunoasca, are rabdare sa-l desluseasca. Sau pe care il citesc doar prietenii mei. Da, aia de ziceam mai ieri-alaltaieri ca nu ma suna:)). Unii dintre ei o fac totusi, asa ca nu ma mai plang.
E, voi, astia de cerurati post in romana, ya happy now?

PS: ca sa raman in ton cu postul, iaca o melodie care ma nostalgizeaza la maxim. Cred ca radacinile proletare ale educatiei mele isi spun cuvantul. Dar n-am decat audioooo!

Wikipedia says I was born on the same day as the following personalities (among others): Ignatius of Loyola, Ava Gardner, Mary Higgins Clark, Tarja Halonen, Ricky Martin. What do a Jesuit, an actress, a poet, the president of a nordish country, a Latin singer and me have in common? I really believe we all suffer from not having a proper birthday. On my birthday people think about Christmas and Santa, not me. I believe these guys also had/have the same problem. Could anyone ask them if I am right? I don’t have their phone-numbers….yet:)).

I really like Mika. Not only that his name is the one of my cat, but I also like his music. And I play this song every time I face a bit of a crisis. Like today for instance when I started crying while watching photos of my cousin and her new-born baby. Now I know all these theories about the biological clock of women, how we really want kinds and when we feel we should we get frustrated if we don’t… But I don’t really think it is my case now. Or I didn’t think it until today. And then I faced a new dillema: is my age starting to show it’s thorns? Do I start feeling like 29?
I don’t have an answer and I really have to go clean up the mess in this house..but this will bother me for some time now.

I’ll try to make it simple and clear: I really thought this blog died. But on Friday evening someone said I could revive it somehow. He said I could write in Romanian, so I didn’t. He said I could write about work…which I won’t, not right now. Because when I started this blog, the concept was “public diary” or smth. Right now, blogs aren’t just that. I mean…nobody just writes about feelings. To have a good blog, one must be interactive. To be interactive, one must create/talk about subjects that interest people. My personal experiences (and also MY routine, MY boredom) were not interactive. I was asserting them and that’s all.
Well…I can’t say I’ll change something. And I must confess, although probably somebody would react to this, that I stopped writing not only because I didn’t feel like it, but because I was afraid of others’ reactions. I didn’t want to write about breaking up, finding someone new, other experiences..because I know someone would read and suffer. And I hate it when people suffer because of me. And I seem to make them suffer on a regular basis.
BUT…nevertheless I just said to myself “Fuck all that” and just write….stupid or not, don’t read me if u don’t like it…
AND I really believe that by breaking up with me, guys change, evolve and even acquire features they never had when in relationship with me.
SO… my own, personal cenzorship..I’ll try to let it go a bit.